Saturday, February 26, 2005

lately i can't be happy for no one

well, that was certainly... meh.

i had fun while i was there, i'd assume that is a given. thanks again, becca. too bad i didn't get to see the end of the movie, though.

my parents.. they are driving me nuts. i guess every kid goes through this when they reach this age? well, every kid except a certain older brother of mine.

anyway. so my mom has this rule that i have to leave wherever i am at 10:30 to come home. ok, i can live with that. but they are really not lenient with this. i guess it's not that that bothers me though, even if it really is not fun when i have to just leave in the middle of everything.

so i get home and i say, "hi mom, i'm home" (this is after calling her when i left rebecca's house and again when i got home to ask if she wanted me to pull into the driveway) and go upstairs, like i usually do. and she goes
"is everything ok?"
"er, yeah"
"you sure?"
"yes mom."
"...come back down here!"
i go back down the stairs.
"what is wrong?"
"nothing!"
"then why did you come in and then sneak up the stairs??"
"um, i wasn't really sneakin-"
"yes you were. what are you hiding?"
"nothing!!"
"you always come in when you get home and do that. go upstairs and not talk."
"would you like me to come in and talk?"
"yes."
"alright. well i went to rebecca's. we had some popcorn and watched a movie." (i even had the courtesy to refrain from being stupid and saying "or, at least, most of it, i don't know about the end")
"who was there?"
i list off who was there, and added that both her parents were home.
"alright. so what's wrong?"
"nothing is wrong, mom!"
"you sound upset"
"that's because every time i come home you do this to me!"
"..?"
"you always think i've done something bad. why can't you just trust me??"
"what did you do?"
"nothing! i did nothing, mom! we watched a movie. why don't you trust me?"
"oh ok. night, arden"

yep. gotta love 'em. it went something like that. i get this every time i come home, only i usually just live with it and answer their questions, even if they don't believe me. i can't help that they don't believe the truth.

why do they think that? just because i'm a teenager doesn't mean that i am into all sorts of bad things. because i'm not. you'd think they'd be happy to have raised me like this. nope. they are just skeptical and don't trust me. sometimes i wish they would just drive me places. then i could stay later and they wouldn't think as many shady things about me.

because, as everybody knows, i am such a bad girl. it's times like these where i want to fall apart so they'll see. i'd let my grades drop and i'd never do anything. "then they'd see," i think to myself. only i can't ever bring myself to do it. i do well in school and am not into bad things because this is the only way i can ever get out.

not only am i not trusted, but they think i'm stupid. heh. my dad was looking through one of the college magazines i got. he said to my mom, "look, FIT (the school nick is thinking of going to) is in here. see? it is a second-rate school. nick can do better than that." to which my mom asks why this shows it's second rate. "because these magazines are all filled with private schools who pay to have them put in so they will get their name out there, because they know they are only second-rate schools." which makes sense.

yeah. so then he says; "oh arden! i found a college that would be perfect for you! it's all artsy-fartsy and they have this community of students that run themselves."

thanks, dad. i love you too.

what am i supposed to do. i can't get them to believe me. i get all a's, they still think i'm an idiot, nicholas' shadow. i am definately not into bad things, and proud of it. none of my friends (except for one that they know is into that stuff, and might be why they seem to expect it of me) do stuff like that.

i told somebody a similar rant once. it was interesting. when i had exhausted myself, they told me, "well, i really don't know what to say. but if it's like that for you, it sure sucks for the rest of us."

we are all screwed, i guess.

but this is worth living through. i have to have something to hold on to.

and now, here at the end of this long and tedious probably boring stupid angsty post, i would like to once again thank my friends, and reinsure you all that i will never to anything stupid. just wanted to let you know, so some of you didn't take this all on a me-being-extreme level and get all flustered and worried over me. it's not like this hasn't happened before. tonight it has just especially bothered me.

ah, well, c'est la vie.

they think i need some time to myself