Monday, February 28, 2005

then i open up and see

wow, i'm bored.

and mildly hopeless.

the person fumbling here is me

come down now

mmmonday... how lovely.

it wasn't actually that bad. not only was the weather beautiful, but we did almost absolutely nothing in any of my classes. key word, unfortunately, is almost. *sigh*

oh well. tomorrow will definately not be good though. let's see.. french oral that i didn't get to today.. french written quiz/test?...history test... yearbook deadline... chem test.. yep.. fun stuff...

but after that, i just have a math test and voila, c'est tout. a wonderful, empty last two days of school before a glorious NINE DAY WEEKEND. indeed. it will be fantabulous. and i am among the ranks of those without plans, so if you are among us as well, give me a call. we don't need lame people like aditi who are going to places like hawaii.

they'll say

Sunday, February 27, 2005

i have wayyy too much free time now...

and thusly, a star is born.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

lately i can't be happy for no one

well, that was certainly... meh.

i had fun while i was there, i'd assume that is a given. thanks again, becca. too bad i didn't get to see the end of the movie, though.

my parents.. they are driving me nuts. i guess every kid goes through this when they reach this age? well, every kid except a certain older brother of mine.

anyway. so my mom has this rule that i have to leave wherever i am at 10:30 to come home. ok, i can live with that. but they are really not lenient with this. i guess it's not that that bothers me though, even if it really is not fun when i have to just leave in the middle of everything.

so i get home and i say, "hi mom, i'm home" (this is after calling her when i left rebecca's house and again when i got home to ask if she wanted me to pull into the driveway) and go upstairs, like i usually do. and she goes
"is everything ok?"
"er, yeah"
"you sure?"
"yes mom."
"...come back down here!"
i go back down the stairs.
"what is wrong?"
"nothing!"
"then why did you come in and then sneak up the stairs??"
"um, i wasn't really sneakin-"
"yes you were. what are you hiding?"
"nothing!!"
"you always come in when you get home and do that. go upstairs and not talk."
"would you like me to come in and talk?"
"yes."
"alright. well i went to rebecca's. we had some popcorn and watched a movie." (i even had the courtesy to refrain from being stupid and saying "or, at least, most of it, i don't know about the end")
"who was there?"
i list off who was there, and added that both her parents were home.
"alright. so what's wrong?"
"nothing is wrong, mom!"
"you sound upset"
"that's because every time i come home you do this to me!"
"..?"
"you always think i've done something bad. why can't you just trust me??"
"what did you do?"
"nothing! i did nothing, mom! we watched a movie. why don't you trust me?"
"oh ok. night, arden"

yep. gotta love 'em. it went something like that. i get this every time i come home, only i usually just live with it and answer their questions, even if they don't believe me. i can't help that they don't believe the truth.

why do they think that? just because i'm a teenager doesn't mean that i am into all sorts of bad things. because i'm not. you'd think they'd be happy to have raised me like this. nope. they are just skeptical and don't trust me. sometimes i wish they would just drive me places. then i could stay later and they wouldn't think as many shady things about me.

because, as everybody knows, i am such a bad girl. it's times like these where i want to fall apart so they'll see. i'd let my grades drop and i'd never do anything. "then they'd see," i think to myself. only i can't ever bring myself to do it. i do well in school and am not into bad things because this is the only way i can ever get out.

not only am i not trusted, but they think i'm stupid. heh. my dad was looking through one of the college magazines i got. he said to my mom, "look, FIT (the school nick is thinking of going to) is in here. see? it is a second-rate school. nick can do better than that." to which my mom asks why this shows it's second rate. "because these magazines are all filled with private schools who pay to have them put in so they will get their name out there, because they know they are only second-rate schools." which makes sense.

yeah. so then he says; "oh arden! i found a college that would be perfect for you! it's all artsy-fartsy and they have this community of students that run themselves."

thanks, dad. i love you too.

what am i supposed to do. i can't get them to believe me. i get all a's, they still think i'm an idiot, nicholas' shadow. i am definately not into bad things, and proud of it. none of my friends (except for one that they know is into that stuff, and might be why they seem to expect it of me) do stuff like that.

i told somebody a similar rant once. it was interesting. when i had exhausted myself, they told me, "well, i really don't know what to say. but if it's like that for you, it sure sucks for the rest of us."

we are all screwed, i guess.

but this is worth living through. i have to have something to hold on to.

and now, here at the end of this long and tedious probably boring stupid angsty post, i would like to once again thank my friends, and reinsure you all that i will never to anything stupid. just wanted to let you know, so some of you didn't take this all on a me-being-extreme level and get all flustered and worried over me. it's not like this hasn't happened before. tonight it has just especially bothered me.

ah, well, c'est la vie.

they think i need some time to myself

why do we all end up alone

today was mildly uneventful. i was planning on going to watch danielle kick some serious boo-tay in volleyball this morning, but last night my mom decided that it was too far for me to drive or something, and that she needed me home for some such other things. chores or something. more likely, just excuses so that it would make her arbitrary decision more substantial.

so i apologize danielle, i am definately going to go see you sometime soon though. count on it.

uneventful weekend on the whole actually. last night i went to katherine's, that was much fun, even if it was only the three of us. all you other losers *coughharrydavidstevieetalcough* that decided not to come, you missed out. i am not even going to tell you what all you missed out on, because i am dishing out the guilt in small, long-lasting doses ;)

then today kins decided to call and wake me up... then it was like BEEP NO SERVICE. that was really random... anyway... i also got my hair cut... it was cut quite a bit differently, but, sadly, my hair refuses to aknowledge that is has been changed, and looks quite the same. silly hair.

and now i am immensely bored. it is a saturday night. at seven. and i'm sitting here, too bored to even play ffx (so sad). i don't know what to do with myself. i could pop over to anna's, but david's probably there or something. and i dunno who's eating dinner or else i'd call...

oo. speak of the devil. by george, a phone call!

thank goodness.

maybe. hmm... more later!

why do we always have to find our way back home

Thursday, February 24, 2005

something's happened

first things first.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNA!!!

second things... er... second...

i made state! so that makes me a melodramatic whore i guess, so just completely disregard one of the posts from earlier this week. i am so lame..

nextly!

tonight was exciting.

so we went to guadalajara. because it's thursday. which is apparently waffles with chris night. none of us wanted to eat my brother's waffles, or him to even make them, so we all opted for mexican. while there, this table of six girls who tried to look cool but instead just made you want to laugh at them kept making eyes and nick and chris. which was, in itself, hilarious. you could hear them from across the restaraunt too. "oh my god!! he so totally just looked over here *swoon*"

which is in itself stupidly hilarious. seriously. who would swoon over christian? crazy people. like these girls, i guess. anyway, a pair of them went to the bathroom together (it's a wonder they didn't all go. maybe they realized they wouldn't all fit?). and while they were in there, we tried to convince chris to give them a piece of children's menu that said something like "call numberynumber, ask for chris" (nick wrote it). we were all saying, "christian! tell them they dropped it [insert other cheesey such lines here]". so finally, they come out, and christian loses a spine. hehe.. then nick was all psh whatever (hahaha that makes me sound so stupid) and walked over to their table and told them that they dropped it. the girl he set it infront of froze. most hilarious thing ever...

but that was pretty much it, because one of their moms decided to go sit with them after that.

it was fun.

now to dance!

and forgetting about stupid people.

i know enough of them as it is...

and i'm head over heels

Monday, February 21, 2005

live a life less sedentary

yay! freaking angst is no more. at least for now. i am so moody... that might also be the fault of a happy little monthly visitor who is finally almost gone (until next month).

that makes me remember katie's mildly disgusting joke:
what did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
see you next month.

i told my mom that at dinner one night, and beer almost came out of her nose. funny stuff.

and i have renewed hope in art again (i blame my moodiness). dog show is coming up, and i get to paint this one, so it should take much less time. which is definately a good thing.

what else.. meh, taks tomorrow. nothing like a joyous three hours straight of asinine standardized testing. yay for texas?

lent continues to roll on, and it's getting easier, like we all knew it would. i do miss taking to some of you, though. you all that are silly and phone-challenged. not that i'm always on the phone or anything, but some of you are worse than me. i have a feeling that when easter rolls around, i will become the same aim junkie that i always was. the internet is seeming to get surprisingly smaller. it is mildly pathetic, actually, how today i spent some of my time clicking the next blog buttons on the bar up top. there are not a whole lot of fantastically interesting blogs. they are either in other languages, about really random things, or of the very few that are worth stopping and reading. there was this one with a pretty funny post. sorry random person that i am linking to, i hope i don't creep you out... here 'tis.

yep. i'm pathetic. oh well. i'm also mildly insane? sort of. yes? i guess so. i am sitting here having a conversation with myself. in text.

i am going to stop with this last shred of sanity. kirk and trevor stole some of it earlier with their silliness.

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*click*

live a life evolutionary with me

Sunday, February 20, 2005

i just want some one to save me

don't you just love these weekends that mildly suck in that not so bad sort of way? it's no like they're awful and i'd like to forget about it forever, but it's not really good either. but it might just be that i'm getting a little numb again.

so the party friday night was completely worthless and is probably the most boring gathering of people i've ever been to of my own free will. the bonfire was pretty though.

saturday i had the joy of waking up early, feeling really great after my interview at the art contest... and then i was metaphorically thrown off of a cliff. it is a bit disheartening when you come out of something feeling so good, like you've done really well, and then almost everybody else is recognized but you. maybe it is just a fluke? but probably not. i am probably just not a worty artist.

funny how i was more creative and could more easily express myself when i was younger. funny or depressing. it is beginning to seem like i'm good at a lot of things, but not really great at any of it. for example: i've been dancing since i was two, but i'm nothing sensational. i'm pretty good at tap, but let's face it, i suck at pointe and am alright at everything else. i've been playing piano for about 11 years now. and i am really, truthfully, not exceptionally good at it. i'm not bad, but like all the other things i do, you wouldn't hear me play and think, "wow, she's really good".

but back to the art thing... my mom told me something when i came home and felt like forgetting about how much of a failure i felt like. she told me it didn't matter, that the people who really matter and who love me thought it was a great picture. and that made my day better. and the lady who critiqued my work said it was really good. heh, school is screwing me over. making me care too much about scores and forget to pay attention to what's really important.

i just remembered that and realized how much of an ansty ass i've been lately. and how it needs to just stop. i am probably a burden on a lot of you, and for that i'm sorry. but thankful that you're there.

my mom is right. and i am sure things will work out for me in the end. and if they don't? i'll just try harder, i guess.

you only get one life, after all.

i'll always be there when you wake

Monday, February 14, 2005

wake up my dear young friend

happy valentine's day

and no school today! how nice.

went to the beach friday, got back yesterday. much funness, happy birthday becca! phillou (spelling?) is by far the coolest french person i've ever met. and the craziest (fits right in with us). i did actually go swimming. it was... really really cold. but it didn't bother me very much after i went completely numb, so it was ok.

it is also claire's birthday today, and a belated birthday to alli. later this week is lauren's birthday, followed closely by anna's. february is filled with birtdays...

um... other than all that i have been bored out of my mind, i came home yesterday and didn't know what to do with myself. normally i'd go get on the computer. not an option...

well, i think i shall go now. i doubt many are reading this anyway, with the whole me not being on aim all the time and such. if you don't feel like calling, you can always just email me *in the navbar*.

toodles

and hate shall fade away

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

look at that king all dressed in red

firstly, happy mardi gras! woohoo!

sadly, mardi gras hails the coming of ash wednesday. and lent. fun fun for everyone! only not.

i am crazy. you know i am. here's more proof.

i'm giving up aim.

bet you five dollars he'll kill you dead

Sunday, February 06, 2005

hang on for

well today was exciting. slept late. had a not so sucessful piano lesson, stupid chopin. all.. i am going to make treble really easy and bass everywhere! bwahaha...

yeah.. so then i went to joey's (in my car!) to "watch" the superbowl (more like watch the commercials/eat/watch the puppy bowl. strangest thing i've ever seen... before everybody got there, trevor and i were watching hauntings on the discovery channel. they were freakydeaky.

so then we hung out and stuff. i got hurt in my foot... jennifer.. and chris apparently has the super-powers of a wall. leif had on hot makeup. and you can fit a lot more people on that couch than you'd think you could.

and apparently the patriots won. all i know is that the ones with their score on the left won, and apparently that's them. yep. and those dogs never did anything obscene, much to leif's chagrin...

the memory

the dog is dead

so i was bored, and taking quizzes. so sue me. it was not my fault, you were the ones not online! [insert more awful excuses for wasting my time here]

yep.. so.. might as well show the results.

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Fire, Water Animal: Chameleon Color:
Dark Tones, Light
Tones Song: Everything by Alanis Morriesette
Expression:
Half-smile

Gemstone:
Opal Mythological Creature: Gryphon,
Half-breeds Planet: Mars Hair
Color: Red Eye Color:
Brown

Quote:
"Appearances can be deceiving."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

they got my hair color wrong. minus ten points.

ooo... i didn't realize what time it is. i might have more quizzizles later for your enjoyment (psh, sure). or maybe not ;)

that one was the only one that was not all stupid and "OMG WE HAVE REAL ANIME PICTURES! what is your element??? take my quiz that asks silly questions and see!"

i took a few of those, sadly. they told me i am apparently of air and am very childish and unrestrained or something. and nice. haha...

the kids have grown

Saturday, February 05, 2005

baby balooga in the deep blue sea

pretty good saturday i guess... woke up late, lounged around, played some nice quality video games, practiced piano a bit. ran errands with my mom, got new point shoes (finally...). went to dinner.

finally watched napoleon dynamite, and for a movie with zero to no plot, it was pretty good. funny, to say the least.

and i am actually quite tired, not to mention mildly bored. most are at cotillion, and all the other's are either out doing anti-cotillion things (like we were) or asleep or something. so i think i will join the latter.

oh, and check this out. it is pretty good, and mildly amusing. thanks to kirk for that one.

swim so wild, and swim so free

Thursday, February 03, 2005

paloma you wonder if you'll miss the thunder

so today was a most excellent thursday of thursdays. all in all, even though i didn't finish one of the 4pt chem problems on the test, it wasn't that bad. french wasn't too bad either, and not much really happened in any of my other classes. more hopeless chorus reading in english. it is so pathetic, really it is.

there are [two], count'em, 1, 2, good things about this week. well, lots of good things. let me rephrase. two spectacular things. yes, the bold is so cool.

1. *new carpet* (the stars represent the new coolness of everything upstairs). we are also, my mother and i, planning to paint the game room [lime green]. awesome? yes.
2. driver's license (italics like it's moving!) i drove myself to dance. alone! it was exciting, and i am silly, but i really don't care. and jenn! i have a good idea to make my ceiling more asthetically pleasing. i will have to tell you.

yes. so it is very exciting. and tomorrow is comedysportz, you should all come. i am so going, you should be cool like me. yes... i am cool... *supresses laughter*

ok well, sadly i am tired, and shall succumb to the darkness of the night. toodles.

everyone's staring but no one is caring for you now