Monday, August 30, 2004

'S aoibhneas i gach áit gan gruaim

oopsies, i have been thinking too much again. to share... or not to share...

hm. well. let's just say that people worry too much about pleasing others, yet some times it is a good thing, as they should change what they say depending on the emotions that will probably result from it. and in the times that matter the most, it is beginnging to seem as if we are impelled to do the wrong thing.

i am not making sense again... this happens when i think. it makes sense to me, but i have such a hard time putting it down in words. which is depressing. i used to be so good with words. i tried to write a poem the other day. i wasn't inspired by anything, though. as you might imagine, this poem was craptastic and was thrown away promptly after coming into being.

anyway, back to what i was originally trying to put across in this increasingly senseless post...

in the long run, we are all for personal gain. i think it's whether we intend it or not. there is truely no wholly kind person.

it scares me that i ever thought there was.

Áthas ar mo chroí go deo

Sunday, August 29, 2004

god is a dj, life is the dance floor

what an exciting saturday.. originally i'd planned to go to a dinner thing with my family, aditi's family, the lowens and some other families. but then my dad had to leave (opa's not doing so hot), and my mom wasn't doing so great either, and decided that it'd be better if we didn't go.

i think she felt bad that i couldn't go, so she let me have some people over here... that was... exciting. to say the least. but it was fun, at least i hope it was. my mom has been walking around laughing all morning because she keeps finding things in weird places. like the chex mix stuff in the fridge upstairs (leif..), and my rice farmer's hat sitting on the floor in the living room, and some headphones and an NES gun sitting somewhere odd downstairs. *shakes head*

thi (piano teacher) came today for the first time in two months. dill's in there right now. she was speechless when she saw the piano, as she's been helping me bug my dad about how we need a new one for some time now. she said it's like christmas to her. :)

well, i'm off! to go. and sit here. and do nothing for another half hour until it's time for my lesson. afterwards, i will commence in the vast amount of hw that our teachers so lovingly bestowed upon us. the only thing that really irks me is that tone word project. can you say stupid and pointless? of course you can, you're way out of elementary school now. i don't think our english teachers really realize that, though.

love is the rhythm, you are the music

Saturday, August 28, 2004

i can't think of loving nobody but you

updatified!

i think this is a little more fitting than that last one i had. in retrospect, i'd have to agree with some of you in saying that it was just very not meish. that's supposed to be me-ish. but mei-sh sounds pretty cool, actually...

let me take care of all of this lack of updating in one fell swoop, as the saying goes (at least, i think that's how it goes):

last weekend i sat around and did nothing. i had two driving lessons this week, so i missed two days of dance (so sad...). some tests. some quizzes. went with aditi to volunteer at the library. lots of dance. school. fitness (katherine... *shakes head*)

both my grandfathers are in the hospital. this is... not good. i'm very scared for them.

and now i have to go, i am going to go to francesca's with my mom to hopefully purchase some lovely new jewelry, maybe some scarves... maybe just a bunch of stuff i probably don't need...

for all my life

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

hang my head

er... this is just pretty much to let you know i haven't completely forgotten my poor dejected site. just that i've been pretty busy of late. expect more updates as the week progresses. or at least one or two that have something interesting to relate.

i want to drown my sorrows

Monday, August 23, 2004

all around me are familiar faces

wow! it's been over a week!

i bet you all missed me so much, right? only not really. but don't tell me that.

anyway. i'd go into all of the variously exciting things of my first real week back at school. only i don't really feel like it. hm...

well. for one, my music only works on my computer and a few choice others because it hates all of the rest of you. for two, i am revamping the site. eventually. i do already have the banner made for it. it is quite spiffy, if a little bit too big. but i will fix that sooner or later, i suppose.

and now! now i get to commence in the exciting thing you all know and love...

procrastination.

have fun with your homework, kiddos. we have us quite a ways to go before even thanksgiving break.

worn out places

Sunday, August 15, 2004

*ow*

that aside. have i ever mentioned how much i despise hoemwork? yes? ok then. i won't go in to how much some of this is just... gah... driving me nuts.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

i'll be yours

just a little something i found on jenn's blog, and decided to do myself (nobody's online this early)

what's your inner flower?

[c] sugardew

*edit*
and yet more quizzes!



now, is that not hilarious? i took this one just for kicks (and no, i did not cheat. that so defeats the purpose of these quizzes).



i get angry... but usually it's just pissed at small things, i guess...?



i still think love is one of those relative things, it depends on what you're talking about.



ooh, such a deep four-question quiz... where two of the questions were "hello" and "finally, last question". hahaha..



trippy picture. one of those psychological map things. social map.. some people have way too much free time. like me. taking all these quizzes...



you know me! i'm sooo reclusive. ;)

well. enough of this silliness. i am off to go get dressed (sadly, my pajama time has ended...) and pack and whatnot. i'll be at the beach until tomorrow afternoonish. i have to come back to finish that art portfolio... grr.. so anyway, i will have my cell if anybody finds it necessary to call me for something. though, i am probably going to be outside! the tropical storm in the gulf = lovely surf. it will be mise!

if you'll be mine

Friday, August 13, 2004

the first star i see may not be

happy first friday of school time! only not happy. but happy... fridays are happy days...?

well. i'm sure you are all absolutely dying to know about my day (sarcasm). so i'll just indulge you!

first i woke up, then i took a shower and put my contacts in... {exestential blahness that is really irrelevant to anything and is seen on many other people's blogs anyway. so there is no need for it here, is there?}

anyway. i am being all crazy and whatnot. because. i am. bored. yes...

this post is going nowhere. fast. no, scratch that. instantly. it's like one of those scratch and sniff things that you smell before you even put your finger close to it. you know what i'm talking about. especially those ones that smell like rotten eggs and molten bunny.

so. i did do things of importance today. like pass my first driving test, and with flying colors, i might add. hahaha. i am so mosdest. you know it!

i did some thinking today. i realized how hard i am on a lot of people. it made me kind of sad and disgusted with myself. but then, we all preach about equality and are hypocrites now, aren't we. it's just... sometimes you think, "what if people talk like this about me?" and i bet they do. if only you could know what they were saying. we are all victims to a senseless society of hypocrites, and from that there is no salvation. so the way i figure it, i might as well continue on being the same person i've been. only i guess it's not. i changed a lot between middle and high school. and between last year and this year. i can only hope it's for the better.

alright, enough ranting. i am probably boring you to tears. either that, or... something else.

and now i do believe i must end this post before it runs rampant and starts consuming small children. until later, much love.

a star

Thursday, August 12, 2004

every new beginning

where to start... i guess, from the beginning (time soonest to after my last post).

i am getting a car, a bug, to be precise. a used one. a lemon...

tuesday i had my second driving lesson, with mr higgins. which was actually pretty "fun", as he told us about how the US has too many stop signs and how i needed to run some of them because they were annoying. there were some other times, however, that were not so much fun. i got flicked off twice, mainly because the higginsator told me to tap the horn in a friendly manner at this car, and i don't remember the other one. we were mooned three times. this suburban full of guys was driving out of the neighborhood we were driving in, and realized it was mr higgins in the student driver car with some student drivers. so they pulled past us, mooned us once. at a stop sign, they stuck their butts up against the back window. and then at campell and blalock, which is a pretty busy intersection, they stuck their butts out a third time. i could've lived my entire life without seeing that.

after the lesson i went to spend the night at anna's. i did notes, she and david played ffx/x2. it was fun. then wednesday morning we watched "evil dead", which was very funny in its sad attempt to try to be scary. this girl got raped by a possessed tree... which was more disturbing than scary. then the zombies were so totally fake looking. but it was a very (emph on very) low budget film, so it gets some leeway. we went to chilies for lunch, and i did eventually finish my notes.

today. first day of school. it gave me a headache, which is still continuing to cause acute cranial pain. this year doesn't seem like it's going to be too bad, it might even shape up to be pretty good. it's weird. we've been. integrated. katherine and i decided that's the word of the year. i'm not sure if it's really a bad thing, it's just... different/weird. being put with a bunch of other people. i've only had brief forays into the world outside of gt (eighth grade, when i was in honors english because yearbook and gt english were the same period), so it wasn't a total shock.

meh, i'd post more but my brain is not happy, and has decided to cause me pain in an effort to incite god knows what. maybe i'll post more later. or maybe not.

comes from some other beginning's end

Monday, August 09, 2004

content with walking

guess who's getting a car!

so unaware of the world

our hearts

rather dashing

that has got to be one of the funnest games ever. only sort of not. but that's beside the point...

i know you are all probably immensely sick of hearing about my computer, but i don't care. i tried to burn a cd today for dillon, and the my burner still doesn't work! i told my dad it didn't work when we took it to get it fixed, and they computer guys were like "we'll check it". psh. they replaced my dvd drive, which is as of now not wanting to open that much. i think it's sleeping... only not, because rom drive's can't sleep. gah.

in other news, i finished chapter two of history! only bad thing? i have to finish chapter three today too, if i want to keep up with my schedule.

last day of driver's ed, classroom style! was today. i got a 92 on that oh-so-difficult final test. that class was such a waste of time. sure, you learn "important" things, but still. it shouldn't take 32 hours to teach that. it should take, oh, i don't know, maybe two. at most. or maybe possibly four.

well, in lou of anna's party, my mom has decided that i don't have people over enough and that i should have a party myself. this was actually suggested by anna and her mother the other day, as they found it ironic that i have a larger house, a pool, and a game room, but the parties are always at her house. i can only imagine that such a foray would be most unenjoyable if had here.

did i mention how much i hate summer assignments? yes? really? ok then. i'm done.

seacrest out, julia

littering the top soil

Sunday, August 08, 2004

motivate me

whee! anna's little shindig last night was fun. except for when she viciously attacked me before everybody got there. and then she went to go read! i mean, really. you don't wake somebody up yelling "people are going to get here soon! wake up!" and then go read your summer reading book. things just don't work like that.

i was thinking about parties and get-togethers and such, in light of recent events. and i realized that the last person i've even had over to my house in a very loooong while was anna. i guess it's just because... well... i really don't know, now that i think about it. the last "party" i had here was that progressive dinner, which was actually a lot of fun. maybe we sould do one of those. and we could have three-inch-tall brownies! those were so good.

so i finally got my computer back! and then realize i can't find the microsoft works suite cd, and that i only have about ten fonts. this is not good. it is in fact very sad. i hope i can find it. so frustrating...

um, there's really nothing else of interesting nature going on in my life, except for a whole lot of procrastination regarding such mindless activities as note-taking.

i want to get myself out of this mess

Friday, August 06, 2004

they saw something that they know

wow! it's like UpDaTeMaNiA!! i hate it when people type like that. and there's no point, as it takes so freaking long to do it. but i thought the occasion was crazy enough. i mean. i've posted... what... five times in the past three days or something? shows you how much i really do not want to work on my notes. bwhahaha!

last real day of doing some "learning" nonsense in drivers ed. monday's our final test (in the classroom) *dramatic interlude*

yes... well. i just typed a bunch of stuff and then decided to erase it.

i bet now you're curious as to what it was.

which is exactly why i told you.

^_^

has never come so close

Thursday, August 05, 2004

swallow my doubt

ok, firstly, i apologize for the extreme angstiness of a lot of my recent posts. i was just being angsty. but all faults have been forgiven (again). so all is well in the land of noz (that is a fun game. for the first hour).

mmm milanos. i swear, if i ever do get fat (as so many of you have hypothesized), it will be because of overconsumption of these savory cookies. oh well, i think i might just rather be happy and milano-filled than happy and not-milano-filled.

oh! about my baby (my computer, not my piano, though it is doing quite excellent). as some of you know, i finally got my computer taken into the shop. it was slow, especially considering how fast it was when i first got it. so the computer man called today while my mom and i, chris and dill were out shopping. "mr mylastname, please call me as soon as you get this message. the little compaq (my computer) has some... issues. the number, once again, is blahblahblahblah". i was scared for my baby.

turns out, the poor thing was filled with viruses. try and guess how many. or don't, because there's almost no way you could get it right. my computer had 1936 viruses. and 8andsomething spywares. these viruses are apparently what screwed up my burners, too, so it's good that there's no problem there (though, i sort of wish there was, my burners kind of suck. not that i've used them in like a year. but i vaguely remember them sucking). but they have to reinstall my windows. again. because the program itself is wholly corrupted. hahaha. they told my dad it was the worse case of viruses/spyware they'd ever seen. i have broken yet another record! yet another bad one. oh well, my baby is going to be fixed! and i will have super speedy everything on my computer again. i mean, it wasn't really that slow compared to friends computers and such. but this computer was so ungodly fast when i first got it... it was amazing.

well, enough about that for now. more when it returns! not like you all want to hear about my vast computer problems. but too bad for you, you're the one reading this. AND NOT LEAVING COMMENTS! see look, i can see into the future. you're either going to go "hm. well, i will just continue to not leave comments" or "i feel so guilty. so i'm going to leave something ubercheesey just to piss her off." but maybe some might actually try to leave something worth anything, and fail miserably. so, really, any way you look at it, you don't win. but it is upsetting that so many people read this and don't take time to comment. wait. scratch that. it is not upsetting at all, really. what's upsetting is what people like "ray" did. but that is behind (but remembered!).

so anyway. end second rant. ish. oh, there have been two people this week who weren't aware that nick was my brother. one was take, which was hilarious, as nick is his drum major. second was kevin, who for some ODD REASON, thought my name was swift... no comment. anyway. both reactions were well worth seeing. on to more important things.

i think i shall return to the bliss that is my milanos. and my seriously procrastinating on notes. feel free to help me with either of these goals.

turn it inside out

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

so can i stay till we close our eyes

well. i lied. there's just something about writing a bunch of random crap that nobody really takes that seriously that clears your brain out.

i tried, i really did, to do more of my history notes. but i can't concentrate. i really don't know who to talk to about this. i thought i would always have somebody to help me, but i guess not.

i know i probably sound all whiney and stuff. heh. oh well... i guess we all have to be whiney sometimes. and angsty. a lot. because if we're not angsty, then people will think we've all been used as alien hosts or something.

i've been spending a lot of time reading people's xangas/blogs/ljs lately. i know, can you say sad...? but anyway. everybody has changed so much in one year, including myself, i guess. change is a good thing, right? lets hope so. if not, we're all screwed.

today will end well, i hope. i finished some notes, so i don't feel like a total lazy ass. and later we're going to drop by the studio, as janet just got back from vacation. i'll be picking up my recital video and pictures and stuff, if any of you would like to borrow it just ask (like any of you want to, but i might as well make the offer). and then after that we're going to pick up anna (her hair looks really good, by the way) and go to an exciting two hour driving session. whoopie... but it will be better than sitting around moping.

and then tonight i plan on coming home and eating, then spending an enthralling couple of hours doing notes. to keep me offline. so i don't rip people's heads off. or start crying again. i'm so pathetic...

till your dreams hold mine

and to think, they were considered friends.

i might not be posting for a while. not when i run the chance of maliciously slandering some people.

my head isn't working right.

at least they gave me a reason to go mindlessly widdle away my time taking notes.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

this time alone

well. today we (my family) picked up my mom from the airport. she goes to vegas once a year for a week with my aunt and grandmother. only this time my grandmother couldn't go, as pops is in the hospital. again.

anna got her hair cut, and i really want to see it. i'll see it tomorrow in drivers ed though, so w00t for that.

oh yes, and nick was extremely odd in a random act of good olderbrotherliness (yes, it is a word...) by inviting anna and i to mosey over to the band shack after we finished with drivers ed to go to lunch with him and some other band peoples. it was ok i guess, new fishies. sort of. i've met some of them before, back in my days at the dump some like to call middle school.

well. some of my friends are being weird right now. oh well. but it makes me wonder. one of them brought up the thought that he didn't really know me that well. it got me thinking. maybe people don't really know me. hell, sometimes i don't even know me. but.. i think a lot of people don't try to know me. most of the time, everybody just tries to figure out for themselves who you are. i'm not sure if that works.

meh. people keep asking me to explain things, too. one, i'm really bad at explaining things. two, a lot of the times i'm asked to explain things that really have no explaination.

i don't know. i'm not sure i'm making any sense. this happens when i start thinking. which is why i don't think like this as much as i used to, it just makes a big mess. which is sad. you know, some people think i'm really stupid. i hope it's ok if i laugh at them. wait. no. actually? i don't care.

i'm going to go while there's still an ounce of... makingsenseness... in me.

could never cause any doubt

Monday, August 02, 2004

and the whole damn world has invited itself

arg. so my computer is in the shop. it really needed to be. poor thing. all getting full of things like spyware and such. but they are fixing that. hopefully. and they're fixing my burner. yay! it hasn't worked for... a year... two years... and so now i won't have to beg nick to burn me stuff. getting a brother, especially the older type, to do something for you is a lowly thing in the world of sibling rivalry. it means that you owe them something. and older brothers like to think of this in terms of "i burned you a cd, give me your soul or i'll beat it out of you".

so while my precious link to the outside world (its sad, isn't it) is out of commission, i am forced to use dills, as nick doesn't let anybody use his and chris' is in the shop too. stupid kid got a disc stuck in the drive... *shakes head*

ooo i found the most exciting game EVER.

cyrkam airtos

ok, well it is kind of fun in a pathetic sort of entertaininglike way. sort of. you should try it. my high score is, of now, 6735. if you beat it, and you tell me, you are just asking to be mauled by a flaming gorilla. or just have me hurt you. or delete your comment.

and i shall leave you all with this:

And A Booming Voice Declared: Let There Be Light!

And Thusly, His Pants Burst Into Flame. And All Were Glad.

to my sunday bbq

Sunday, August 01, 2004

i'm nobody

two posts in one day! how amazing. you should be proud of me.

thanks to matt (and kevin indirectly) for revealing the amazing gord to me. he is my hero. him and cheesasaurus rex. see, if he was only a cheesey dinosaur, he would be the most amazing thing to ever exist. here is an excerpt from acts of gord:

Quotation

"We would like a quote for the front page of the newspaper talking about videogame violence, and it's possible impact on society."

"Video games don't make people more violent, and I'll kill anyone who disagrees."

*dramatic pause*

"I don't think we can print that."

gord is the one in italics. he was (*tear*) a canadian game store owner. you should go read his stories. seriously. go do it.

acts of gord


without you

im fifteen for a moment

well today was exciting (sarcasm)! i was brutally waken up by my little brother at noon ("ARDEN! WAKE UP!! DAD WANTED ME TO WAKE YOU UP!!"). then we went to the farm, and since the gator wasn't working we sat in the incredibly hot house and played poker. i lost.. stupid pair of nines. well after that we went to enjoy a nice "family dinner" with my grandpa, who really didn't even want to go, so it was more of a "lets all go to dinner and try not to feel really akward for the whole thing" sort of meal. and it was at around 4:30. that's not dinner. that's... something else.

so then we went back to opa's assisted living facility, and his air conditioner was broken so i went and sat in one of the chairs outside his door. suddenly, the door across the hall opens and an old woman in a wheelchair emerges. she wheels straight over to me, saying "i have something i'd like you to do for me, if you would like to". it was kind of bizzare, watching an old senile woman slowly wheel across the hall straight towards me. so she wheeled right infront of my chair, leans close to me, and says "will you please take off my necklace? i can't see it to get it off. i had to sleep with it on last night because i couldn't get it over my head". so i unhook the clasp and take it off. she expresses her thanks and then wheels backwards back into her room and closes the door. five minutes later, she comes out again. wheels straight up to my chair, pulls out a dollar bill, and says "take this. thank you so much for helping me with that necklace. here, take it". hands it to me, and then starts wheeling off towards her room again. at the same time, another old (slightly odd..er) woman walks down the hall and greets the woman in the wheelchair, and questions her about her activities. she responds, "i was just giving this sweet girl a reward for helping me with a necklace. i couldn't get it off. had to sleep with it on last night. i am proud of her". the other woman says, "oh how nice". then the woman in the wheelchair returns to her room, and the other walks up to me, pats my leg and says, "you're such a good girl. i am proud of you. you know, you are beautiful. really, you are.. such pretty hair." she turns and continues to weave down the hall, looking back to say "you do have such beautiful hair".

it was... odd. you know, it always feel so weird to be there. all the old people look at you, and they smile. then they start muttering randomly about medicine and cigarettes. they're all so quiet, and when you look them in the face they appear to know everything and nothing all at the same time. it sounds weird, i know.. but i don't quite know how to explain it. they're old and senile, and a good portion of them don't remember much more than who they are, where they are, and their closest family and friends. but they have all lived through so much, and it's as if they want to forget.

i don't know. now i'm just rambling about crazy things.

caught inbetween ten and twenty