Monday, January 17, 2005
our heartsyeah. so. more apologies about my mood. i dunno... it's complicated i guess. i want somebody to listen and give me advice and make me feel better, but every time i try to talk to somebody about anything feeling related i feel stupid and like i'm wasting their time. i feel pathetic, like i can't handle my own problems.
and i guess i can. it's gotten me this far in life.
i was reading other peoples outpourings into the world of streamlined internet journals, and i was thinking about how everybody gets a certain alottment of shit. and they have to eat it themselves. i read some of the posts, and thought, "wow. i really want to make them feel better. but anything i write in a comment will sound invariably stupid". and they will sound stupid. either that or really sappy. it's true and you know it. sometimes, a lot of times, i'm sure it still means something to that person.
but you just can never find the right words for the feeling, you know? i hate that. it's as if they have every freaking word in the dictionary but the one you're trying to use to explain something. i should make up a word for words like that. and that word is... something i'll come up with later.
well. i think you've read enough mindless drabble thus far. but through my experience, most don't even get this far in posts. unless they are really bored.
i do think i am finally out of my angst though.
back to feeling numb again.
littering the topsoil